My Family's Oldest Tradition

My mother, Maxine, with her sister, Harriet

I asked my mother once what kept families together. She didn't hesitate to answer, "Tradition." She meant when you open Christmas presents, what types of candy come in your Easter basket, whether your parents plant a tree for you on your first day of school, where your family holds weddings and funerals.

In her opinion, family traditions are almost sacred. They hold the family together during the good times and the bad. They are something to pin your tears on when the world is falling down around you. Something to hang your smiles on when you hand your daughter to your mother for the first time.

One of my family's oldest traditions started almost 100 years ago with a handmade handkerchief. One of my grandmother's sisters made their beautiful mother a Battenburg Lace handkerchief. The exquisitely made piece of linen quickly became my great grandmother's favorite.

So favorite and special, that her daughters wanted to carry it on their wedding days. And that's how it started. My grandmother carried it on her wedding day. I don't know who else carried it during that generation. Those details are lost. But I do know that she offered it to my mother to carry on her wedding day to my father. This was significant because my mother's parents had died in her early childhood. My mother had been looking for a family like my father's her whole life. The offer of that handkerchief had great significance--and was the start of THE TRADITION.

My grandmother had possession of the handkerchief at this time. She kept it in an old envelope, labeled in Jessie's handwriting.

The date on this envelope is 1903
Later on she would enclose this envelope in another larger envelope in her handwriting. More women in the family carried the handkerchief on their wedding days, and my grandmother started recording the weddings in her beautiful handwriting on nice notepaper and tucking them into the envelopes.

And so it moved through the generations. I carried it, my sister carried it, all my cousins or their brides carried it. The handkerchief was entrusted to my mother after my grandmother died, and passed on to me after my mother died. Every time a woman in our family was married, she carried the handkerchief, and their name and groom’s name and wedding date and place was recorded and placed with the rest of the notes in the envelopes with the handkerchief.
My sister's daughter and niece and new daughter-in-law carried it. My sister would watch it like a hawk before, during, and after the ceremony. Then she would return it to me at the reception. I would take it back to Missouri and record the new weddings.

My cousin's daughter was to marry in December of 2006. He wanted her to carry it. The tattered envelope seemed too insubstantial by then. I went shopping for a proper "treasure box" to hold the handkerchief, the envelopes and the growing pile of papers that held the marriages. I found a beaded box and affixed a photo of my great grandmother on her wedding day on the inside of the cover. I enclosed each envelope and recorded record in special sleeves I bought from an archival company.

Then I made the scary decision to mail my great grandmother’s handkerchief from Missouri to Michigan so they would have it for the wedding ceremony, in case bad weather prevented us from flying it up for the special day. The weather was beautiful, but I'm glad I made that decision. It was the right thing to do. My cousin carefully returned it to me for the flight back to Missouri.
My cousin's family was the first to take a photo of Jessie's handkerchief, held in my cousin's and his daughter's hands. I added this photo to the new Handkerchief Box and recorded the details of her wedding.
Then it was my daughter's turn. I know her carrying it in her wedding bouquet has to be one of the reasons I had to work so hard to choke back the tears as she walked down that aisle last summer. She loved the photo idea and had one taken of the two newly wedding banded hands and the bouquet with Jessie's handkerchief. And I added that photograph to the Handkerchief Box along with the record of the marriage ceremony.
Who will carry Jessie's Handkerchief next? How many more generations will it survive? How many more mothers will pass the Handkerchief Box with it treasures down to the next Caretaker, to treasure it, to share it, to record the weddings. I hope several more generations of women share this family tradition. I've tried to be a good Keeper of the Handkerchief. I've passed the stories and the tradition down the generations and will continue to do so for at least one more generation. I've fostered one of those Traditions my mother talked about. I think she would be proud of me. I think Jessie would be surprised by all the fuss over a handkerchief.

UPDATE: November 2012:

I know who will carry the Handkerchief down the aisle next! My son's bride, Lauren! Oh, Happy Day! Ben and Lauren were engaged on Thanksgiving Day, 2012! Within the year, we will have a wedding in Texas and I will transport the Famous Handkerchief to Texas for the traditional carrying of the handkerchief by the bride. Then I will take it back to Missouri and record all the details and add to the Handkerchief Treasure Box. We are over the moon for our son, Ben! Congratulations to the wonderful couple!